Tuesday, April 15, 2008
I was dying on the inside so I put on a mask so that people would not see it... but I noticed I was dead and now I cry my death.... I look everywhere and all I see is a rotten world and I am part of this rotten life while I still here... I don't know much to say, only that I am really weak for not being or not .... I think I just don't exist in this world. You know when you feel there's something missing like a piece of you? I am this way I feel there's something missing, nothing seems real, I cant be sure of anything, if I have my feet on the ground or if I am wake or dreaming, its not the reality I wanted to live, I look myself in the mirror and I just don't like what I see in that reflection and at the same time, I am not what I wanted to be, not even close, I didn't do things that I wanted to, I did things that I did not wanted to do, I did bad things and I have to live with that, with this moments for the rest of my life. I lived through horrible moments that I just cant shake them off, I don't know if I will ever be able to forget, moments that made my life, myself into nothing, today I cant get answers for those questions that wont leave my mind, who am I? maybe just a crazy woman who doesn't know what she wants, maybe none of this has meaning, but maybe the hole in my heart my soul will be fulfilled when I live life. but do you think that anyone knows about this? no nobody only me and this blog, people who will read, even if someone I know reads this blog they wont know its me. I have no one to turn... that's why I wear this mask, so everyone thinks its fine, but they don't know that I am dead on the inside.